Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities - My Own Experience

Introduction

This account, in addition to its function of general awareness-raising, is intended to give support to other people with a similar issue, so that they can more readily recognise the true nature of their issue and embark on a non-engagement or even pro-active 'offensive' strategy to disempower their would-be tormentors, being encouraged by knowing of my having come out the other side not merely unscathed but actually stronger and in better shape than ever.

This is NOT a belief issue

Let me clarify here that before this issue came to my notice in 2003, and indeed right up to that time I'd had no overt belief in there being any seemingly external 'forces of evil' or 'dark forces' (but using such terms sometimes just as imagery), and particularly I had no overt belief in the existence of any ultimate being of evil such as Satan. Indeed, I had a strong suspicion that the manifestation of dark entities or other phenomena was the product of particular people's belief in such things, and that people who didn't have such beliefs wouldn't experience such things.

I did, however, have a lifelong morbid dread of 'the occult' and kept well away from any related activities and indeed people who engaged in them. Particularly since my crossing the enlightenment threshold, I've not regarded anything as intrinsically good or evil, for these are just labels which we stick on things according to how our own beliefs judge them. It was after that transition that I eventually allowed myself to start getting involved in spiritual healing and 'lightwork' for the purpose of assisting my own and ultimately all people's spiritual opening up - but I still kept well clear of anything else psychic or 'occult', for which I still had that underlying dread. No doubt part or even all of that fear came from my night terrors trauma*.

Later note (January 2008) - I now understand that actually another potent factor in my dread of 'the occult was actually emotional manipulation from some of the astral entities which were interfering with me, for their aim was to keep me in so much fear of the very notion of 'dark forces' that I'd stay in denial of them. That is actually what they're doing to a LOT of people. People do not even start addressing their entities issues and clearing out their entities and astral interferences if they are in denial of their existence, so the entities have a strong vested interest in keeping their 'victims' in denial of their existence or at least their true nature.

* I now understand that that is looking at the situation the wrong way round. Rather, that fear came from the same source that was used in the hellish attacks upon me during my childhood night terror experiences. As I now understand it, I was actually not carrying a major trauma related to the night terrors at all - that notion of my carrying a massive trauma associated with them having been one of the great multitude of deceits and distortions that came to me from the astral forces posing as higher sources of information.

Although the dark entities that I write about below have an agenda and behaviour which most people would equate with the utmost evil, I do not judge them in terms of good / evil, for they are simply as they are. I do not condemn them, for again they are as they are, and condemnation and negative labelling serves nobody for the better and actually is a part of the negative agenda of those entities. However, whether or not I or anyone choose to judge them, they have caused me major problems, disrupting my life and subjecting me to nightmarish or even hellish experiences, and this is what I relate below.

The entities themselves, in the course of my interrogating them, have made claims about themselves and their agenda towards humans which would in many people's judgemental eyes identify them as agents of ultimate evil - but more to the point, their agenda and behaviour makes them an issue that people would do well to take seriously, because this type of being is adversely affecting so many people - indeed virtually EVERYBODY, albeit usually more or less covertly. Going into denial serves nobody well, no matter whether one denies these entities' harmful agenda or their very existence as discrete entities.

"Aren't your troublesome entities just creations of your own mind?"

I give my answer to that frequent comment / question in my FAQ Corner page.

This is NOT a protection issue

Let me say straight away in response to various well intentioned but unhelpful responses which I've had from people, that the issue that I am relating is not one which could have been avoided or could be stopped now by 'protecting' myself in one of the ways that psychic people consider necessary for their safety when giving healing, channelling or otherwise opening up their psychic or higher perceptions. My understanding is that this type of issue, whether for myself or anyone else, is always one for which normal psychic protection methods are ineffective - though of course for particular people who have significant psychic perceptions, normal psychic protection methods may be effective in countering other potential problems.

So, right now I want to lovingly encourage any further people who want to contact me and urge me to protect myself, to hold back and not trouble to do so. I know such people mean well, but their exhortations only show that they have not understood the particular issue.

However, although the standard notion of protection is unhelpful, it is meaningful to make oneself progressively better grounded and stronger in energy terms, so progressively disempowering the entities and making oneself eventually invulnerable to them, and I have plenty to say on that in Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities In One's Aura -- Managing and Removing Them.

Later note (January 2008) - For further effective and long-term means of protection, see Healing and Self Realization - the Safest and Quickest Way.

Shouldn't I be engaging in constructive dialogue with these entities?

It has been put to me by various people that I should be engaging the entities in constructive dialogue in order to resolve my issue with them, instead of my ongoing campaign of not accepting their communications and indeed of disempowering them and making things as difficult as possible for them to be with me. Such people have not read and understood the information on this page and clearly have little or no understanding of the actual situation and the nature of these entities. Indeed, the notion of constructive dialogue with entities which are as deceitful and devious as these is quite meaningless.

Later note (June 2008) - Red warning! The above is underlined by all my most recent understandings about astral entities, as are given in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. As I now understand it, they are actually a particular type of elemental (which is an aggregate or complex of thought forms which can in some respects behave as though it were a conscious being), and it is our interactions with them which maintain and cultivate their virulence, any semblance of theirs of being actual conscious beings, and indeed their very existence.

That was the 'bad' news. Now for the good news! The less we interact with them or regard them as conscious beings, the less would they be able to manifest in that sort of way, and the weaker they would become. There are simple and actually easy means for people to clear out all interferences and influences from the astral forces - see Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way and The Guide to Complete Self Realization, and non-engagement is crucial in ALL work for clearing astral or entity interferences.

I make it pretty clear in the account below, that, owing to my confusion over the identity of the source of the many communications, I had plenty of dialogue with the entities in 2003 and 2004 (and indeed at times in 2005), after which I settled on a supposedly constructive confrontational strategy - because through my previously being in dialogue with the entities I'd actually been empowering them and they consistently had been seeking destructive control over me and indeed they nearly wrecked me. Even since my adoption of  'positive confrontation', on a couple of occasions when I tried not confronting them and just ignoring them, the entities exploited the situation and increased the strength of their attacks on me, forcing me to resume my confrontational strategy within a day or two.

Later note (June 2008) - What I now understand is that even that confrontational approach was reinforcing the entities - though undoubtedly I was doing the best that I knew how at the time. The positive thing that it was doing, however, was strengthening me - and so in that respect it was to a small extent disempowering them against me.

The point is that so far these entities have shown not the slightest interest in co-operation nor resolving the issue of their presence with me in terms that are meaningful to humans. The only resolution they admit to wanting is their gaining control over me and wrecking me (or indeed any other human) or at least getting me functioning as a harmful psychopath. That is not a belief held by myself but is what these entities consistently and openly claim is their only interest and have confirmed through all their words and actions since October 2003. Prior to that I'd had no idea that 'beings'* like that really existed.

Later note (May 2008) - Throughout this account I had been referring mostly to dark or astral beings rather than entities, but for the most part I have now changed such references to 'entities' or 'the astral forces'. The reason is that, as already noted, my understanding now is that most likely astral entities are not true, consciously aware beings at all, and are elaborate thought form complexes rather like computer malware. Tthat would go a very long way to explain why they are so completely single-minded in their troublesome agenda, and so lacking in true creativity of their own. You can read more about this in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

Ultimately all 'adversity' which humans experience has positive functions for our own learning and the opening up of our deepest wisdom. So, to my understanding, the troublesome situations which the dark entities create for us all have ultimate positive functions, even though in the short term individual people are seemingly wrecked or destroyed by them. Certainly in my case, as I shall explain in various places below, the entities have had a considerable healing and strengthening effect on me. Since late 2005 they have been putting on a constant and often quite spectacular display of bewilderment and fury as each of their claimed attempts to destroy me has had just the opposite effect to what they were intending.

Later note (May 2008) - Actually the notion of the entities having inadvertently been great healers for me, while containing some truth, was actually being put to me in an exaggerated form by the entities themselves, posing as higher sources, for the purpose of encouraging me to acquiesce in their attacks and interferences rather than take really effective measures to speedily clear them out. The only reason why I gained a certain amount of healing from my entity troubles was because I was single-mindedly treating all apparent adversities which arose in my life as opportunities for positive change in whatever way possible. That didn't mean in the slightest that I was meant to be experiencing major hardships in order to gain self healing or other life improvements.

It has been put to me that I should engage in dialogue with the troublesome entities around me to find out why they are with me, so that the issue can be resolved. In the light of what I've written above, you will no doubt understand what a crazy notion that is. Surely, if there is any source to turn to in order to find out why you have your entities issue, it would be deep within yourself - not entities which would tell you anything to get you more in their power!

What are astral or 'dark' entities?

For a discussion of the likely true nature and origin of astral or 'dark' entities please see Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

How did the entities get to me in the first place?

It's quite likely that the astral entities (or at least the odd ones) had been lying in wait in my energy system for much of my life, awaiting the moment when I'd start channelling. Although I wasn't aware of them before that point, they were very likely responsible at least in part for various troublesome thoughts, images and unbidden troublesome fantasies which sometimes came to me through much of my life, and may have been responsible for exaggerated nasty feelings that I experienced in response to various situations and people.

Later note (June 2008) - Actually, the whole notion of the astral entities getting to me is wrong, and sourced from the astral sources, which seek to get many of us believing that they are awarely conscious beings which can move around and come and go. The reality appears to be that astral entities, or rather, the astral forces, are with everyone, all the time, whether or not they are aware of them. So, the question of how they got to me in the first place is actually meaningless, like a single person (and a woman at that!) being asked "Have you stopped beating your wife?".

Also, although as a matter of convenience I still call them entities, it now looks to me unlikely that what is interfering with us from the astral sub-reality is really distinct or discrete units of anything and thus worthy of the term 'entities', let alone 'beings'. As I explain in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side', the astral forces are most likely nothing more than a sort of rogue programming, like a massive complex of computer malware, made up of thought form complexes (or thought energies, if you like), and although there may be 'program modules' that perform particular tasks or manifest in particular ways, there are very likely not really groups of truly separate and discrete individual entities interfering with us at all, even though they seek to convince very many people that that is just what they are, and they may present themselves as a group of guides, angels or indeed demons, 'Reptilians' or other actually mythical beings.

Certainly for healing purposes it is much more helpful to follow this new understanding and work on the assumption that everything that seeks to interact with us from the astral sub-reality is just aspects of a mass of rogue programming which theoretically could be completely dissolved over a remarkably short period simply by everyone (or maybe just a certain - presumably large - number of people) completely stopping engaging with it and no longer regarding any of it as anything more than just rogue programming constructed in thought forms or thought energies.

Until after I'd started channelling, any attacks were only covert  - though on three occasions their attacks were at 'severe' level, when I had quite traumatic emotional responses to particular situations, though still not realizing that I was being attacked and just wondering whether there was something fundamentally wrong with me - which notion fed further into the torment of the attacks as the entities used that as additional ammunition against me:

• I well remember one night when I was probably about 9, when my brother woke up crying from a night terror experience that he was having, and this triggered in me a hellish storm of inner fear and dark images which was not a recurrence of my old night terrors but was very likely my first really strong attack from the astral entities since the night terrors.

• In about 1975 I watched a television play by David Rudkin called Pender's Fen (when I visited friends, as I had - and still have - no TV myself). I felt as though an inner hell had been opened up by my watching that, and it took me a few days to recover.

• I had a similarly traumatic emotional response to an early poem - The In-Between People - which I wrote in 1973, which opened up an inner hellish vision which seemed so powerful that it seemed that it was going to fill my everyday 'reality' and destroy me.

Those attacks, however, although nothing like as powerful as what I received after I'd started channelling, were more upsetting because I wasn't enlightened then and got into the emotional state* of fear, anxiety etc, whereas since enlightenment I've been pretty detached from old trauma feelings. Indeed, during even the severest attacks, although I had massively strong and nightmarish feelings, only to a small extent did I enter the emotional state of those feelings - even full throttle terror - and thus was able to handle the situation in ways that are not yet open to most people.

* It's not common knowledge that our experience of emotions generally has two components - the energy of the emotion and its emotional state. The latter is really the result of one's being attached to the feelings, identifying with them and thus being driven by them - as we all are at least to a great extent until we become enlightened. If you experience the feelings - however unpleasant - as peaceful observer instead of entering their emotional state, you are undergoing a powerful healing process which is dissipating a pool of that painful emotion from your system. For example, I know well from my own experience that it is possible for an enlightened person to experience strong feelings of anxiety or panic without actually being in a state of anxiety or panic.

What actually happened

If I were to write down all the details of what the entities took me through during those ordeals it would surely fill a sizeable book, and indeed would make some pretty amazing reading. However, by now many details have dropped from my memory, and in any case a lot of 'story' would just get in the way of our arriving at true understanding. So, I want to make it clear that what I recount below is just some 'highlights' (if that is quite the right word for such experiences!) of what I went through.

The astral entities around me first made themselves known through deception and trickery when I started channelling* (using a pendulum at that stage) in October 2003 - though until early April 2004 I assumed that all the communications were from the purported higher beings and not 'lower' beings** because my intent to communicate only with specific higher beings and never astral entities was always so strong. The communications purported to be, initially, from an 'ascended master' in the 5th dimension calling himself Ahn, who also said he was really Maitreya operating under a new name. I could not understand his harshness and his reckless tricks upon me, but shrugged my shoulders and assumed that for some reason these were necessary for my particular learning path.

* Just to clarify for anyone unfamiliar with this term - channelling is the receiving of communications and information from non-physical sources.

** Later note (June 2008) - One of the many understandings that I gained in 2007, as I really started to clear out the astral interference and deceptions, was that the very concept of higher and lower beings is one of the deceits that comes from the astral sub-reality. It appears that ALL non-physical beings apart from actual human souls are illusory manifestations within the astral sub-reality ('the dark side'), no matter whether they appear to be 'dark' or 'Divine' - God included.

"RAPE HIM!" - My disobedience to a 'Master'

The first major trick, supposedly coming from 'Ahn', was to involve me in an elaborate scenario in which the whole of Humanity had supposedly been put en masse onto a two-week accelerated transition to full consciousness*, at the end of which Maitreya** was allegedly going to stop people everywhere in their wayward tracks by making a simultaneous telepathic announcement to every single person on Earth that he was now world leader and they would all from then on be living as fully enlightened beings.

* Later note (April 2007) - 'Full consciousness' is a state of 'completion on Earth' which some people believe is what will come about for people generally when they've cleared all their emotional issues. When this state is achieved, allegedly one's higher consciousness, which in normal people is allegedly separated off in a higher (non-physical) dimension, 'descends' into the physical dimension and integrates with the person's ordinary mind, making the person very powerful in all manner of very positive and beneficial ways.

However, my understanding now is that the 'full consciousness' scenario is just one of the fictions which astral entities channel to people in order to get them hooked on illusory realities. It is thus in the same league as all the beliefs and channelled stories about imminent 'ascension' of humans into the 5th dimension, which are also fiction from the 'dark side' aimed at diverting us away from reaching true full self realization, the attainment of which actually requires the relinquishing of all beliefs.

** N.B. I'd never before given any credence to the various Maitreya prophecies.

Allegedly I had a very important role in preparing for this, and it involved, among various other things, my having to fully reopen my connection with a certain charismatic man (D) who I'd been introduced to once by a friend and was then living near Land's End in Cornwall. 'Ahn' told me that I was to achieve this by staying with him for the particular weekend, indeed sleeping with him - and I was given simulations of D telepathically inviting me to do so, complete with bouts of strong erotic feelings which supposedly were communications from D but which I later realized had been just the work of the entities.

This actually seemed a very attractive prospect, for when I was originally introduced to D I felt an apparent very strong and deep soul connection with him and indeed greatly relished the idea of sleeping with him - subject to the desire to sleep together being truly mutual. And apparently now I had him telepathically inviting me to do just that - Wow!

Following my instructions from 'Ahn', I hitch-hiked to D's place, only to find, as I'd half suspected, that he wasn't expecting me at all and it was considerably inconvenient for me to be there. 'Ahn' then directed me to act in various intrusive and disruptive ways, including telling the fellow that the two of us were under instructions to sleep together that night, which D was clear that he wouldn't have - emphatically explaining to me that he had a new and wonderful female partner and he wasn't going to jeopardize that for me or any of my great ideas about the future of Humanity (i.e. the story that 'Ahn' had been giving me).

I take my hat off to D for his patience with me in the face of my seriously bizarre and intrusive behaviour then - and I don't blame him for not wanting anything further to do with me after that! 

Later note (June 2008) - Actually I think he'd already made up his mind not to have anything to do with me as from our inital introduction, because his charismatic quality was very much an energy configuration (some would call it an ego trip) which set him up as a supposed authority on 'spiritual' matters and expected other people in various ways to defer to his supposedly superior knowledge (based on shamanic practices including taking of various harmful drugs, and he was a regular smoker, which would have greatly attenuated his deepest levels of awareness), and he saw me as an unwanted challenge to his personal status as the local spiritual guru. In that first encounter he had seemed to be particularly ill at ease about my not smoking or partaking in any other drugs, for his circle of friends and followers, as far as I could tell, all smoked tobacco, and most if not all used cannabis too, if not in some cases other drugs as well.

Fortunately I didn't press as hard about sleeping with him as 'Ahn' was instructing me to (with threats of severe karmic consequences for me as a result of "disobeying a Master" if I didn't do exactly as I was told). The pressure on me escalated to full-blown shouted orders to "RAPE HIM! RAPE HIM!", accompanied by bouts of very strong erotic feelings which, fortunately even then I knew must have been a simulation and not my own feelings towards the fellow, so that it was actually pretty easy for me not to be influenced by them.

I finally broke into full disobedience to 'Ahn' and hitch-hiked back to my flat, with 'Ahn' repeatedly shouting at me during that journey to "GO BACK!" and reminding me about the dire karmic consequences of "disobeying a Master", and still assaulting me with very disconcerting bouts of quite alarmingly strong erotic feelings.

For me at that stage in my experiences with the interfering entities it was a frightening return journey, because I had visions of severe karma hitting me pretty well at once, perhaps in a fatal crash on that very journey, and I didn't want the driver to come to harm because of anything that was due to happen to me. I felt very confused then because I had no means of knowing for sure whether I'd truly been failing in some vital mission for the benefit of the human race (as alleged) or whether I was really being tested to see how far I could be led astray before I'd rebel - or indeed whether 'Ahn' was really 'of the Light' at all.

As to the latter point, although I was still on balance assuming that 'Ahn' was an 'ascended master' and therefore (I assumed at that time) a higher being and thus supposedly totally beneficial, I was certainly left with some disturbing doubts from that episode as to whether he really was 'of the Light', for, in addition to the "RAPE HIM!" order he had instructed me to do various other things during and immediately after that episode which had seemed more in keeping with what very little I knew of Satanism than with any true spiritual path, even though still with the justification of it all being essential for this two-week transition plan for Humanity. Anyway, even if he was a true 'ascended master', I abhorred his harsh and abrasive style, and surely other higher beings would be more gentle and straightforward with me. Oh well - mystified, I shrugged my shoulders and resolved to have nothing further to do with 'Ahn', regardless of any karmic consequences, and so the following day I used the pendulum to try getting answers from my guides instead...

One of the things 'Ahn' had been doing was exploiting the 'baggage' that I was still carrying from previous lifetimes* in high-level Buddhism, for at least in the Vajrayana tradition it was quite the done thing for students to be bound by a vow of obedience to their 'Master' (i.e. teacher), with the threat of severe karmic consequences (being condemned to one of the Buddhist hells) if such a vow were broken and amends not made at once.

The troublesome entities appear to know in detail all your emotional issues, beliefs and other negative 'baggage' from your whole incarnational history and can exploit any of it in attempts to gain power over you. Nice little creatures, don't you think!

* Later note (June 2008) - Well, yes, I did appear to be carrying such baggage, but, as explained elsewhere, I now understand that I had not incarnated before (via my current soul) and so was not carrying any past life memories or traumas of my own. What I was carrying therefore was not my own and in fact belonged to particular parasitic lost souls attached to me. I explain about this phenomenon in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

Torments from supposed higher beings

So, after my having turned my back on that weird 'Ahn' performance, the communications came purportedly from my highest guide and my higher consciousness and then additionally from the high-level guide Orin and a variety of other high guides and 'masters' such as Seth, Za Kai Ran, Mutu, St Germain, Mehindra and Merlin. The entities even at times made out to be Archangel Michael. In my case calling 'Archangel Michael'* to help and fix the situation never worked, though I think some other people would be more lucky in such a situation.

* Later note (June 2008) - Actually, my understanding now is that 'Archangel Michael' and all named higher beings - ascended masters, guides, gods, goddesses, angels and archangels and so on - are all inventions of the 'dark side', channelled to people to lead them into belief in illusory 'realities' and away from the simplicity of enlightenment and genuine self realization. You can read more about this issue in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

So, you will understand, then, that when you call 'Archangel Michael' to fix some trouble from astral entities, you are simply asking the astral ('dark') forces to assist you in clearing their interferences from you - not a recipe for true success on that score!

My trials and tribulations went a lot further than just having the entities adulterating channelled information and guidance from higher sources and sometimes giving me whole fictional scenarios which in themselves, as already noted, got me into some bizarre and disruptive situations. After a few months of my attempted channelling, during which time I'd learnt to run an 'internal messaging system' in my mindspace without any further recourse to a pendulum, the astral entities started putting upon me horrendous psychic attacks, because they were able to manipulate the accumulated pool of trauma emotions freed up in my own intensive self healing* and bring these to the surface at a very severe intensity that disrupted my daily life and sometimes deprived me of sleep for several nights in succession, twice causing me to be incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital in 2004, with two further such hospitalizations in 2006.

* Later note (June 2008) - I now understand that this description was a great distortion of what was the real source of those trauma energies. The problem was not at all my intensive self healing causing an accumulating pool of trauma emotions. The only problem with my intensive self healing was certain methods I was using - particularly the use of sacred geometry wands and crystals, and a harmful symbol which the entities had channelled to me, and allowing alleged higher beings to give me supposed healings - all of which factors were disrupting and weakening various aspects of my energy system in ways which were allowing the astral forces increasing ability to interfere with and attack me.

The great arsenal of trauma energies which were used on me in the attacks was actually big accumulations of trauma energy belonging to the 30 parasitic lost souls that were attached to me and which I didn't know about at all till 2007; I actually had vanishingly little trauma material of my own, and not enough to be used in attacks on me at all.

The entities posed as 'ascended masters' carrying out allegedly important and sometimes nightmarish and traumatic tests on me*, supposedly to gauge the depth of my 'spiritual realization', and they subjected me to a reliving of the horrendous trauma feelings of my alleged ancient disconnection trauma** - something which I understood few people to have experienced in the history of Humanity - at a disruptive and indeed hellish intensity. Late in 2004 and onwards the emphasis was on bringing up at similarly hellish intensity the fear-based trauma emotions from my night terrors trauma***.

* Later note (June 2008) - The notion of tests upon me and special training was all part of an agenda to try to convince me that I had uniquely prominent roles for 'Humanity' in the not far off future, and had to be given all this rough treatment on that account. It was all a part of trying to get me working with the astral forces as a powerful puppet of theirs, as, for example, the very prominent Indian spiritual teacher Sai Baba already is, or, failing that, to confuse and wreck me, getting me discredited and isolated so that I couldn't function as a  promoter of genuine self realization and clearance of astral influences.

** Later note (April 2007) - The story was that the supposed disconnection trauma had happened to me in a lifetime some 150,000 years ago in a now lost Pleiadean civilization, when I'd allegedly been the basis of Lemminkainen in the legend which got channelled to us in the Kalevala, the Finnish national epic. Allegedly the trauma came about when, in an emotionally desperate and exhausted state I'd lain down with the intention of dying and my higher consciousness had cut all my relationship chakra cords - an act which killed me. My inspired guess is that this fiction was based on certain experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. As an incarnation of a new soul, I was carrying no traumas or memories from previous lifetimes of my own, as there weren't any previous lifetimes of my own (i.e. as incarnations of this particuar soul)!

*** Later note (June 2008) - The massive night terrors trauma was a big myth that the astral forces sought to get me believe, presumably to account for the huge amount of trauma material that I'd undoubtedly been carrying and which was being used in attacks from the astral forces, no doubt primarily to deflect me from finding out and removing the true source of all that material - that is, the 30 traumatized parasitic lost souls attached to me.

Despite the severity and bizarre nature of the late 2004 ordeals, the worst time for me was really in January to mid-April 2004. At that time not realizing at all that 'lower beings' (i.e. astral entities) were involved, and thus still assuming that it was true higher beings doing all this to me*, I was sometimes reduced to grovelling on the floor, praying and crying out in a squealed whisper for help from on high - but no overt help came except that on just a few occasions when I'd seemingly been particularly strongly traumatized I had the impression of a host of angels coming in to give me healing and rapidly restore my auric energy. However, I suspect that it was not angels at all but a simulation, and my feelings were being manipulated up and down. The manipulations occasionally included extremely powerful sexual arousals, which made the situation all the more confusing and disorientating.

* Just imagine for yourself an apparent reality in which higher beings are all taking part in or colluding with Nazi-style 'experiments' on you, so you have no higher level to turn to for protection or stopping what's going on!

In October 2004 my dark 'guides', posing as my higher consciousness, took me through a number of relatively benign but still highly problematical Satanistic practices throughout the five consecutive nights without sleep which marked the gruelling sequence of ordeals that led to my first hospitalization. The purported rationale was that I needed, as part of my self healing process, to embrace the dark in my past because in a small number of lifetimes I'd been into Satanism and dark practices, and needed to come to terms with this.

Later note (June 2008) - Coming to terms with one's past is one thing, but to go repeating dark things that were allegedly in one's past is quite another, so the claims being made to me were complete bullshit from the astral forces. Also, as already noted, the alleged past lives of mine were nothing of the sort - almost certainly distorted versions of past life experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

Also, the notion of 'dark guides' or indeed any specific type of non-physical being appears to me now convincingly to be false, as explained in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. I now understand ALL such manifestations as being just different (all illusory) manifestations of the astral garbage, whose true nature I discuss in the just-mentioned article.

However, the inner voice (i.e. the astral entities) went further and was making out that I was never meant to be following a path of 'light' in this lifetime and was a Satanist at heart and should be practising Satanism from then on, and indeed it claimed that it was starting to train me in that - and then once I'd died I would fall into a sequence of every one of the hells that had been invented in Buddhism (yes, I say invented, because they have no objective existence) - and, just to cheer me up, all this was to the accompaniment of frequent whiffs of what I took to be roasting human flesh, allegedly remembered from sacrificial rites in a long-past lifetime. All this then led into a full-blooded sustained and increasingly severe attack from the astral entities in the guise of a supposedly lethal curse upon me, which led to my first hospitalization.

At various times I was directed and sometimes very strongly pressured into a variety of reckless and potentially or actually destructive acts, which included deleting my whole website (I restored it soon after, though that was delayed by my first hospitalization) and putting onto my website some very challenging information about alleged past lives of myself and certain other people which, quite apart from its actually being plain fiction, was inappropriate to have been put in the public domain, and which undoubtedly would have convinced many people that I had an enormous ego and was even overtly mentally deranged.

At least I did rebel in the nick of time against a move in late 2003 to get me to formally change my name to Melchior Elias. That would have been a quite inappropriate and troublesome move.

Later note (September 2007) - I withdraw my coyness about the matter of who I'd allegedly been in previous lifetimes, now that I've clearly dissociated myself from all channelled information (of mine or anyone else's) and indeed from the whole scenario of each of us being on an ultimately upward-bound evolutionary sequence of incarnations. We can now all laugh about and also be warned by the following. I had allegedly been:

• the first soul to appear in all Creation, and so the oldest and most evolved of all souls today (and thus allegedly set to become a great world teacher / leader);
• the historical basis of Lemminkainen in the Kalevala (Finnish national epic) - in a now lost Pleiadean civilization some 150,000 years ago;
• at least two composers (i.e. of music) at different subsequent times in that Pleiadean civilization;
• the historical king Gilgamesh (as noted in the next section). (I make no claim that there ever was a historical Gilgamesh, and am suspicious that there wasn't, and that the Gilgamesh legend actually was based, with distortions, on something in a human-type civilization prior to humans appearing on Earth, and maybe even in a prior universe);
• the Roman emperor Trajan, father of Hadrian;
• the biblical Elisha;
• Jesus' disciple Simon Peter;
• a son of the legendary and very likely actually mythical King Arthur;
• Ananda, cousin of Buddha Shakyamuni;
• a student of Padmasambhava;
• a rather distant friend of Francis of Assisi (being another spiritual teacher in Assisi at that time);
• a (female) lover of the Medieval French composer Guillaume de Machaut;
• Duncan Macdonald, allegedly chief Piobreachtead (bagpipes player) of Prince Charles' First Regiment (late 1600s);
• the early 20th Century French composer Jehan Alain (this allegedly my last lifetime).

It's true that there are various things in my life and inner experience which point to possible connections with certain of these earlier personalities, but neither I nor anyone else has any means to know whether such experiences actually reflected past life experiences of my own or simply memories and emotional trauma energies and indeed archetypes drawn from the human collective consciousness or indeed from consciousnesses of humans who'd died in the past and were now parasitically attached to me (a phenomenon described in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side').

Those experiences could indeed have been none of the above but actually experiences brought to me directly by the interfering astral entities, which I understand now can attack with visuals and emotional nasties from astral sources in ways that can make almost any scenario appear convincing to a person who isn't exceptionally deeply aware and exceptionally well grounded. That's the basis of virtually all of what the medical profession so unhelpfully call schizophrenia (though soul fragmentation commonly plays a part too), and a whole lot more besides.

Indeed, if the entities weren't causing so much trouble with their convoluted yarns I'd take my hat off to them!

Long live the King of All the Realms!

One prominent part of the agenda, especially during late 2003 and early 2004, was seeking to convince me that I was known to all higher beings as King of the All the Realms (i.e. all the dimensions) and would within not that many years be overtly proclaimed as King of Humanity on Earth and indeed the Pleiadeans - allegedly to be known as Gilgamesh II. This was supposedly going to come about during a dramatic transition of Humanity over about a decade into a much more enlightened mode of living. As to why Gilgamesh II - well, it was a part of a long-term scheme of theirs to get me attached to and involved in the notion that I myself had been the alleged historical Gilgamesh*. Okay, maybe I had been so, or maybe not, but what was problematical was the consistent attempts to convince me that not only I had been Gilgamesh but this was very important now, some 4,700 years later.

* It's a reasonable surmise that various other people have each had a similar agenda put upon them and have also been told that they'd been the historical Gilgamesh. Just think of the number of people who get told that they were and even still are Jesus! That's all the astral forces at work.

One part of that scenario, which was persistently presented to me even after the 'king' fiction had been dropped, was that I, in this incarnation, was regarded in the higher dimensions as so important for the future of Humanity (because of my particular combination of qualities), that I would shortly be transferred into the body of a particular man of 25, who would be transferred into the body of a particular 17-years old woman, who would leave her body to reincarnate normally - both these people being strongly connected with me from previous lifetimes.

According to my (mis)information, the higher consciousnesses of these two people had already agreed to the plan, and it was all okay because it would bring about karmic paybacks. The young man in this story was actually wanting to change gender, so the transfer would do him a favour and fulfil a deep longing of his. Later on I was told that another woman, aged 20 and also closely connected with me from previous lifetimes, had been chosen instead of the 17-year-old. The transfers were allegedly going to be carried out with the assistance of a currently secret organization of lightworkers who were spearheading the transition of Humanity into a more enlightened state.

Later note (April 2007) - That was obviously 'dark-force'-sourced 'story', and the notion of it being for anyone's ultimate good to fulfil that young guy's longing to be a woman is barmy. Anyone with a longing to change gender would do well to use The Work to release themselves from those longings and get in full harmony with the reality of 'What Is'. Then, once free of such longings, they can choose whether to do anything about change of gender - and most likely wouldn't, being then perfectly happy the way they are.

I was still being given this scenario in the summer of 2005, though by then I was told simply that it would happen 'before long', whereas previously a specific date had been given - my birthday in August 2005, though for a while in 2004 I was told it would be on my birthday in 2004. In August 2005 I was told that there truly was a plan to keep me in this incarnation for a long time but I wouldn't be given details till much nearer the time, which would be 'before all that long'.

The justification for the alleged plan to transfer me into a younger body was that my next incarnation would not have the particular unique combination of qualities which were needed for alleged leadership roles of mine for Humanity, and the plan involved my being kept in this incarnation through successive transfers into younger bodies for some 450 years, after which I'd be allowed to choose whether to reincarnate or go through further transfers.

As part of this agenda of the entities relating to me being 'King of All the Realms' I was periodically given simulations of being transported into the 'angelic' dimension (i.e. the so-called 9th dimension), and amid multitudes of celebrating angels I was enwrapped in colourful robes, and even sometimes crowned, in front of a large and imposing figure with very big eyes, who was supremely powerful and loving - I suppose what many would call God. Well, at least those were novel and entertaining experiences - very different from the nightmarish experiences that were to follow in early 2004.

Did I actually believe any of that story? No, but neither did I disbelieve - I simply kept an open mind. You never find truth by closing your mind. I was being given what seemed to be true and important information as well as much reckless misinformation and trickery, and so I knew to keep an open mind, for time would be my great filter which would let the chaff fall by the wayside and show what the truth really was.

Unfortunately, some people who got to know of the 'new body' part of the story (especially as I'd put a bit about it on this website so that people would be forewarned in case it really happened) took the view that I'd developed a taste for seriously dark practices and was actually wanting and seeking to get myself transferred into another person's body, so effectively wanting to kill another person in order to extend my own life (which I definitely wasn't), and so they dismissed me as an undesirable, the odd friends cutting themselves off from me.

In addition, many times over, I was guided or manipulated into writing to or speaking or acting inappropriately with a variety of people, and I lost further friends and potential friends as a result. Typically, at some later point a bullying, hectoring inner voice would then berate me, while the astral entities would attack me with self recriminatory feelings over those various indiscretions into which I'd been led - a type of behaviour that makes ordinary human hypocrisy look angelic in comparison!

Attempted self harm and suicide

In my late 2004 ordeals I even followed some directions which would potentially have killed me - because they were linked to the alleged 'new body' scenario mentioned above, I being told that I was at that point meant to leave my body for the transfer. In fact, during those attempts on my life (which were mostly directed towards smashing my skull) there were clear signs of my being very strongly protected by some sort of 'higher will', so that the particular means that I was directed to use didn't work, and the kitchen knife which I carefully sharpened for a nice little wrist-slashing suicide was unable to make more than the most superficial scratch-like wounds on my left wrist, which had become like tough rubber.

Actually that latter case was not part of the abovementioned scenario but arose the evening before my December 2004 hospitalization*, during which evening I was being given the impression that I was in the process of dying, and it was put to me that as soon as I'd got out of my flat to die my flat contents would all be set alight and the whole block of flats would be burnt out - and the only way that I could prevent that from happening would be to kill myself there and then within my flat.

At my wits' end and faced with the apparent prospect of my immediate neighbours getting caught up in the postulated conflagration, I chose the path that would allegedly avoid that happening. As I had relatively little remaining emotional attachment, although I had no desire per se to kill myself, it was of relatively small odds to me whether I continued in this incarnation or moved on to the next one or was transferred into another body within this incarnation - I just wanted whatever was for the ultimate good and meant to happen. And so I very reluctantly sharpened the knife and then sawed at my tough rubber wrist, in amazement at the small spot or so of blood that grudgingly emerged - not even a sticking plaster was necessary after I'd given up on that. Actually I gave up pretty readily because by then I could see the obvious sign that this whole business was in fact symbolic and I was never meant to kill myself.

* So slight were the wounds that the two bracelets on that wrist distracted the attention of hospital staff, and during my 16 days' incarceration in that psychiatric unit none of the staff noticed the little quickly healing scratch-like injuries there, which I never thought to try and conceal - amazing considering that signs of self mutilation and attempted suicide are supposed to be zealously looked out for in such an 'acute' psychiatric ward.

A vomit element to the story

I'd always had a particular dread of vomiting, and of course a strong revulsion at vomit itself, the sight or smell of which in fact would sometimes be enough to make me retch and almost go adding to the mess. To what extent my fear of vomiting has been stronger than normal for people, I don't know, and in any case it hadn't been strong enough to get labelled as a phobia, but it was nonetheless real, and was thus an inevitable bit of ammunition which the astral forces could use upon me.

One particular irony about the vomit element in my astral entity ordeals was that during all those ordeals I never actually vomited, despite various intimations that I was about to vomit - indeed most violently and traumatically. The vomit element arose first during the October 2004 ordeals which led up to my first hospitalization. At that stage I was being taken through various supposedly Satanistic procedures, and a large proportion of them were ritualized messing about with imaginary ('etheric') vomit, which I had to produce by acting out my vomiting in a bucket, then being directed to ritualistically anoint myself with the (imaginary) disgusting mess. At the end of a session I'd be directed to go to the toilet and make myself "really" vomit by sticking a finger into the back of my throat, but something always blocked that from achieving what it was supposedly meant to, so I'd just retch momentarily without actually throwing up. Perhaps my own deepest aspects were protecting me then, for only harm would have come from me throwing up when there wasn't a genuine need to do so.

However, more harrowing was during particular attacks in that period, when I was first being severely attacked with the trauma energy of panic and sometimes nausea feelings. On one occasion (which I was warned would keep happening, to try to get me terrified), I was given a really severe attack of a combination of the emotional energy of panic and a strong nausea - a really hellish experience, though it didn't last long.

During that period I was sometimes menaced with the notion that I was imminently going to vomit most violently, which would be caused by an attack, or, on certain occasions, as a result of something I was about to be shown. This would typically be at breakfast, when, during the ordeals, it was getting difficult to eat, and when I'd just eaten my bowl-full of chopped mixed fruit with yoghurt and liberally sprinkled with sunflower seeds, I'd be told something like "There, that wasn't wise of you - but you've done it now! Now [in a triumphant voice] when you vomit, as you're just about to, most violently, those seeds will cause you excruciating pain!". It was all hot air actually, just trying to get me wound up and terrified.

Then, during some of the strong attacks during the summer of 2006, I was being attacked with a combination of nightmarish feelings which seemed to be related to dark practices and Satanism, combined with strong sexual arousals, and in the thick of that I was sometimes given the smell of vomit and indeed given images of myself rolling and squirming about in my own vomit in supposed sexual ecstasy, while I was being attacked with strong sexual arousal.

What I understand in retrospect (in 2008) about all these vomit elements to the astral forces' attacks on me is that they were seeking to exploit particular traumas carried by one or possibly more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. At least one of them had had a lifetime in which (s)he had been in some sort of really rock-bottom black magic cult or sect, in which the members had a marked tendency to go for whatever was maximally repugnant to ordinary people and incorporate it in their practices. So it had come about that that particular person had been severely traumatized on at least one occasion when, as part of some sort of depraved orgy involving vomit, (s)he had been given one or more drugs (i.e. herbal preparations) which made him/her simultaneously hallucinate wildly (almost certainly getting night terror visuals), feel an intense fear or anxiety together with disorientation, and repeatedly vomit most violently - a pretty hellish combination for anyone, and within the context of one of the most way-out and depraved black magic orgies, even more so!

So, with that particular lost soul attached to me, no wonder the very thought of vomiting seemed nightmarish or indeed hellish - and thus also, no wonder that the astral forces were seeking to exploit that to wind me up or indeed freak me out! It's very likely that the astral sources dredged up the association of vomit with sexual arousal from that particular lost soul's memories of particular orgies, naturally in order to try to screw me up.

...And naturally, 'karma' raised its ugly head

At times the entities, posing as my guidance, made out that I was due for immensely severe karmic repercussions over various even very minor matters - putting forward a distorted and nightmarish version of the punitive karma that is described in some (not all) of the Buddhist teachings and to which I'd supposedly been exposed in certain previous lifetimes. The aim, as with their other actions, was to frighten and demoralize me and destroy me emotionally if not physically too.

What about receiving healing to cast out the entities?

There were a number of attempts at this. Those from ordinary healers probably didn't touch the issue at all.

Later note (June 2008) - As I now well understand it, no attempts at all to cast out astral entities could ever work for anyone! In cases where that does appear to have happened, the astral forces have simply gone into hiding to give the impression that they've been cast out, while they continue interfering with the person but in more covert ways. The aim of the astral forces in such cases is to get people promoting totally ineffective methods to supposedly remove them and so deflect the people from seeking out truly effective methods to make one totally invulnerable to interferences from the astral forces (such as I give in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way).

The time when I was first told that I had 'astral beings' impersonating higher beings was in early April 2004, when I was at my wits' end (again) and mentioned the problem on the phone to Su Sutton, a healer in Newton Abbot. She wrote me a letter telling me that she'd had a message from the angelic dimension, that I had these impersonating 'astral beings' and I needed to ask 'Archangel Michael'* for assistance. In fact although it seemed at first that Michael did step in and stop a particular attack, the entities came straight back and were impossible for me to exclude, no matter how many times I called Michael to clear them out and keep them out. In fact it was really then that, for the first time the astral entities had started to make themselves apparent actually as astral entities (rather than purported higher beings) by their intrusive and very volatile communications.

* Later note (April 2007) - As already noted, the archangels are among the range of alleged higher beings which are inventions of the 'dark side' and are thus bogus. People really don't know at all what they're getting when they have communications or 'assistance' from entities claiming to be such higher beings.

During the following week, on different days I had what seemed to be powerful healing from Su and from Gordon Hughes (the 'lightworker' who'd made and supplied my sacred geometry 'healing' wands), either of which healings supposedly should have excluded and sealed out the entities - and yet the latter were still with me. I then felt frightened - abandoned with an issue which nobody could resolve or even properly recognise, and for good measure another and eventually very severe attack upon me got under way during that time, which really felt as though it was going to be the end of me, with the inner voice repeatedly telling me that it was Anlil (sic), King of the Underworld, and going to claim me and hold me prisoner in the 'astral dimension' as soon as I'd died. That was all a really nightmarish experience, which I came out of when I had a remote reading and advice on the phone from the experienced healer Christopher Strong in Evesham (UK). Although at that point he saw only thought forms and no troublesome entities around me, he did succeed in getting me to break the feedback loop of fear which had so much intensified the attack, and I quickly recovered.

Later note (January 2008) - Let this be a warning to those people who keep asking me to give them healings to help them with their entities problems. Each of the abovementioned healers brought me significant problems, as follows:

• Su was categorical that for the healing that she was to give me, I had to allow myself to get really spaced out and indeed go 'out of body' while the healing was being done - and I did my best to comply, though I doubt whether I've really gone 'out of body' in my life, because my awareness has been just too grounded for that to happen. Her 'healing' removed nothing, because astral entities cannot be 'bodily' removed like that, and, what's more, she'd got me to unground my awareness still more than it already was (quite the worst thing for anyone in such a situation), so making me still more open and vulnerable to the astral entities, and the attack continued to develop.

• Gordon, the 'lightworker' who made and supplied my sacred geometry wands (which I now know to have been instruments of the 'dark side' and actually making me significantly more vulnerable to the entities), in April 2004 gave me 'healings' by directing upon my energy system certain electronic devices (including a modified Zapper, itself an extremely harmful device) which purportedly would clear out absolutely any type of entity from my aura and seal the latter so that re-entry was impossible.

  In fact the very notion of being able to seal a person's energy system like that was rubbish, and the devices seriously disrupted and weakened various aspects of my energy system, and this led into the crisis I mention above, in which it had come to seem that I was close to dying. I now understand that I came very near to real disaster that time, because I came probably closer then than in any of my other crises to getting sufficiently ungrounded for the astral entities to sneak into my physical presence a 'partial walk-in' of a powerful 'lost' soul, specially programmed by the astral forces, so that then, according to their 'plans', I would have become a puppet of theirs, controlled by the 'walked-in' lost soul.

  Then in March 2005 Gordon gave me a healing session in which, he claimed, he was going to connect various energies from the very highest 'galactic' levels into my energy system, 'grounding them into it'. I had a very deep intuitive feel in advance as well as during the session that there was something altogether 'not right' about it, and that Gordon was hiding something very important from me. Two weeks later I had an extremely strange 'field workshop' with Gordon, which I write about further below, during which I was being constantly attacked by the entities, which involved my connecting myself to groups of fashioned double-terminated crystals (clear quartz and amethyst) which, under his direction I buried in merkaba configurations at certain supposedly powerful 'energy points', such as at Stonehenge and Avebury - supposedly for the purpose of grounding me.

  Two weeks later the attacks escalated into another crisis. My energy testing now indicates that what Gordon had succeeded in doing in that 'healing' and the workshop was not only considerably undermining the groundedness of my awareness, and, more seriously, the overall groundedness of my entire being, but had created major additional connections in my energy system into the astral sub-reality and thus my openness to the astral entities.

• Christopher Strong comes out best out of this unedifying catalogue of serious healing faux pas, for he actually gave me some very sane and helpful suggestions of immediate measures which enabled me to get myself speedily out of the severe crisis which Su and especially Gordon had so considerably aggravated. It's VERY significant that he didn't 'give me healing' (though I guess if he'd seen entities around me he'd have had a go at removing them), and really assisted me by suggesting some measures which I could immediately take myself (which basically were for getting me more grounded again, which was indeed my most pressing need at that point). But that was only for getting back into balance, out of the then current crisis, and was not actually about addressing the underlying issue of the ongoing presence and interferences from the entities.

  In fact he himself was being misled by astral forces in some respects, and his remote 'reading' of my situation saw no entities around me - only some thought forms which were allegedly associated with geopathic stress caused by an underground watercourse below my flat. There were two problems about that 'diagnosis', (which actually a supposedly professional dowser had also come up with, owing to his own astral-sourced interference): to my understanding now (based on my own energy testing), there was no such geopathic stress here in my flat, though there were certainly other environmental stresses which were considerably exacerbating my entity troubles by the way they weakened and distorted my non-physical aspects - and the remedy which Christopher suggested was a Bailey Stressbuster.

  There was just one mighty big problem about the latter: although the Stressbuster supposedly does counter a limited range of environmental stress energies, it itself, as an electronic device, emits a significantly harmful environmental stress, creating electromagnetic radiation itself. So, for a year or two during my worst troubles with the entities I had this Stressbuster going all the time, further weakening my energy system and thus making me still more vulnerable to all 'dark comers'. What a pity I didn't have a Clarity-Sphere then!

Another notable 'healing' that I received was from Stephen Webb, apparently a very strong channel for 'Archangel Michael', in June 2005 during my stay at the Findhorn Foundation, a spiritual community in Scotland, and that, supposedly, should have fixed the problem, but the entities were still with me. Then in July 2005 at the Quest fair at Newton Abbot, I had a quite different sort of 'healing' from Grahame Wyllie, a clairvoyant healer calling himself Shabdan. In that he guided me through calling in all the contracts that had supposedly been made between my 'higher self' and any of the entities (which Graham called 'false guides') to allow them into my aura, and then etherically burning all those contracts to ashes. He then guided me through doing the same for all the contracts supposedly made by my 'higher self' with gateways in my aura to allow the 'false guides' to open them. Supposedly all that ought to have fixed the situation* - but I still had the entities.

* Later note (June 2008) - I say 'supposedly', because actually the whole procedure was bogus, even though Grahame presumably didn't realize it. A sort-of separated-off higher consciousness or higher self is one of the 'New Age' myths, and so was the notion of all those contracts - there were never any such contracts. It is the astral forces which keep giving people the story of such contracts, both in order to convince people that they are contractually tied to the astral forces and to get healers and 'lightworkers' wasting their time and resources on completely ineffective methods to try to clear the supposed entities.

Well, I guess that on that occasion Grahame didn't do anything that got me significantly more ungrounded, but my understanding now is that he himself was and is in very serious trouble with the astral forces, and doesn't even realize it. You only have to go to his website (which I'm not nowadays linking to from this site) and see all the stuff there about angels, archangels and channellings and healings from those purported beings and also a great range of other supposed higher beings (many with exotic names), and the stuff about Humanity soon all being stage-managed by supposedly higher beings into 'ascending' into the 5th dimension - and then to read Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side', to realize how deeply he is unwittingly running a major astral ('dark') force agenda, regardless of his undoubtedly genuine strong good intentions.

No wonder he was using a useless method for my entity clearance and was not in touch with any method which would truly get clearing my problem with the entities! He even told me the 'name' of my purported 'personal guide' - not realizing that all supposed guides are in various ways simulations given to us by astral entities, and the aim behind and indeed effect of 'guides' - even the supposedly highest of them - is to lure us away from turning to our own core essence for all the guidance and 'wisdom' that we could ever need, and to help condition us to allowing ourselves to be controlled by external entities instead of living happy lives of love and awarely applied free choice.

Another angle that I was guided through at the July 2005 Quest fair was using a particular setup statement in the EFT - "Even though I have this troublesome inner voice and I seem to be stuck with it for ever, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I choose now to thank it and pension it off". In the particular group context this produced some emotional release from me but didn't clear out the entities - but then it would be too much to expect an immediate 'miracle' of EFT for this issue, for it requires ongoing work on such issues to clear them. Because of all the fear material involved, I've only occasionally been motivated to use this method* because I'm on my own with the entities and would much prefer to be working with other humans if I'm to go stirring up the fear stuff which the entities could capitalize on and use in further attacks on me. I do not have big financial resources for a lot of therapy sessions to do this work with professional EFT practitioners, and at the moment have no local healer friends who have time to spend with me in healing / EFT sessions - so I'm very much left to my own devices.

* Later note (June 2008) - That was true at the time of writing the above, but in early 2007 the EFT really came into its own for me, and I came to love it! True, it in itself doesn't clear entities, but it's greatly powerful for releasing and healing emotional issues which the entities exploit, and is great to use to help dissolve entity attacks. Once I wasn't getting such sustained attacks of such overwhelming strength, there was no problem at all about using the EFT, whether or not being attacked at the time.

However, in May 2007, once I'd taken up and started further developing the methodology of Stephen and Lynda Kane (leading to what is now presented in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way), the EFT became in practice redundant for me, for, however good EFT was, Power Walking and Grounding Post proved to be superior in every material way, and both being much more grounding than the EFT could ever be.

Then a couple of weeks later, at Findhorn again, Stephen Webb guided me through creating by visualization a blue pyramid of 'Archangel Michael' energy to put myself within, which would exclude all the entities, and all I needed to do was to re-create the pyramid once a day. Only trouble was that each pyramid dissolved within about half a minute, if that, and the entities most likely never left me at all.

* Later note (November 2007) - You see? 'Archangel Michael' again. Yet another healer who genuinely believed that he was in touch with real higher beings but actually was being hopelessly deceived - in reality invoking 'the dark side' to clear out 'the dark side'! The astral forces that were directing that little trick were no doubt laughing all the way to - well, wherever they go laughing all the way to...!

Indeed, as noted further below, Stephen did a 'reading' for me, supposedly channelling Archangel Michael, and it confirmed the supposed veracity of various pieces of serious misinformation about myself which I myself had channelled, such as my having been the historical Gilgamesh and Jesus' disciple Simon Peter.

In November 2005 I had a remote healing from Isy Grigg, author of the handy little book EFT In Your Pocket, and she reported that she'd removed and excluded the 'astral beings' and removed some parasitic negative energy implants*, including, she said, one that had been holding my crown chakra wide open and so allowing undesirables to enter my system. Bafflingly, throughout the healing I was getting the occasional telltale visual 'no' flash responses to various of my thoughts, and even while Isy was telling me on the phone afterwards that I was completely clear of the astral entities I was still getting intrusive communications apparently from them. Although it seemed at the time conceivable that I was experiencing then just a pattern of expecting their interference, as Isy was claiming, I thought otherwise, and two main alternatives seemed likely to me. One was that the entities were hidden from Isy to fool her into thinking that she had removed them when in fact their removal hadn't been allowed**. The other was that the entities were temporarily excluded but my 'higher consciousness' then presented me with a simulation of them until they were allowed back into my energy system at least within a day or so and probably within an hour or so.

* Later note (March 2008) - The mystery about the origin of these implants appears to have been resolved. In early 2003 for a while I went to a weekly Reiki 'shares' group - i.e. for exchanging healing, mostly by each taking a turn to lie on the table and receive healing from the group. The leader of the group was undoubtedly by normal standards a very accomplished healer. However, like pretty well all such people he was being extensively deceived and misdirected by the astral ('dark') forces.

In his case there were signs that he had not only the normal complement of attached parasitic 'lost' souls but also a partial walk-in or a serious type of spirit attachment (attached discarnate human consciousness), which, as well as causing him, reputedly, to be very temperamental and volatile in his personal life, was frequently (mis)guiding him into putting energy implants into the non-physical aspects of those to whom he gave healing, and on one of those weekly group sessions I was one of the 'lucky' recipients. He genuinely believed that he was inserting healing implants which would soon dissolve, but they were actually harmful.

Some others who attended that group also received such implants and presumably don't know about them yet.

It may look a bit puzzling that those implants weren't altogether hidden from Isy by the astral forces. My current 'reading' about this is that most likely the astral forces would have completely hidden the implants from her if they could, but her own deepest aspects were actually managing to show them to her. However, without entity interference she would have got quite different and more subtle impressions of the implants. In order to prevent her at least from seeing exactly what was there, the entities had actually relayed those impressions to her ordinary mind, so more or less obliterating the directly gained accurate impressions with distorted versions which would help reinforce various incorrect beliefs about such energy manifestations.

As I understand it, what the astral entities showed Isy was a distortion of the actual situation, because the implants were not ring-like as they were shown to her, but were shaped like crystals, as at least most energy implants are, and the one which she saw as holding my crown chakra open was not doing any such thing and, if that one existed at all it probably was not where she saw it. Also, as I understand it now, she was deceived about her having supposedly removed any of the implants. Their dissolution, along with that of other interferences, was commenced by me late in 2007, that dissolution particularly spearheaded by my use of the Grounding Post procedure together with use (at that time, of the Energy Egg and the related device called the Guardian Angel, for I didn't develop the much more effective Clarity-Sphere till early in 2008).

The very notion that a chakra can let in entities and other problems through being 'open' is one of the many fictions given to healers by the astral forces. An 'open' chakra is actually nothing other than an energized one, and the astral forces cultivate particular myths among healers to encourage them to de-energize chakras (and thus weaken a person's energy system), supposedly in the name of closing them to keep entities and other nasties out.

** Later note (January 2008) - The notion of the removals not being allowed was part of more fiction from the astral forces. My understanding now is that, as observed in the next footnote, astral 'entities' actually cannot be removed and sealed out in the way that healers and 'lightworkers' almost universally believe. They can only be progressively 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing self realization work. Also the notion of the 'higher self' or 'higher consciousness' is an astral sourced fiction designed to get us turning to the astral forces posing as our 'higher self'.

In July 2006, as recounted further below, I had a session with Emma, a healer fully trained at the School of Energy Healing, a UK offshoot of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. This failed to remove the entities and indeed briefly re-empowered them a little (because they exploited the slight stress of my vainly trying to get rid of them), and Emma 'revealed' that I had relationship chakra cords connecting me to the entities - which helped explain why no healing could remove them*. Such cords can be dissolved only when one's higher consciousness determines that it's for one's highest good for that to happen. Presumably my higher consciousness still saw it as for my highest good to keep the entities at the present time, in which case no ethical healing could get rid of them.

* Later note (June 2008) - That seemed convincing at that time, from within my own astral-sourced confusions, but actually it was just another bit of astral-sourced bullshit. There were no such cords connecting me to any entities, and in any case my understanding now is that astral 'entities' actually cannot be removed at all by any means; they can only be 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing comprehensive genuine self realization work by astral-free methodologies such as I present in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

The day after that, the experienced healer, dowser and 'lightworker' David Lockwood of Launceston, Cornwall, had a remote 'peek' at my 'aura', saw a wide open 'door' from my aura into the 'astral dimension', and supposedly closed it - having the previous day had my invitation to have a go at banishing my little pets. The result? No change.

My understanding was* that my own higher consciousness had chosen for me to go through the difficult experiences with the entities, and therefore it simply undid or disallowed every healing or would-be protective measure that was aimed to get rid of them or keep them out. So I've learnt the hard way that I have to allow this issue to work itself out and trust my higher consciousness and any involved higher beings to clear out the astral entities when they consider it's for the highest good that they be removed. I may indeed be stuck with the entities until I've cleared out virtually all of the fear stored in my purported massive night terrors trauma.

* Later note (November 2007) - This was all distorted balderdash, from astral entities posing as my 'higher consciousness' (itself a fiction from the astral forces). My understanding, now that I'm getting really clear of the influences of these entities, is that, as already noted, astral entities simply cannot be 'sent on' or 'cast out' in the manner that the vast majority of healers appear to believe to be possible. What can be sent on - though not all that often through single direct 'healings' from another person - is earthbound spirit attachments and parasitic 'lost' souls. However, particularly the latter still generally need quite a lot of very effective emotional clearance and self realization work to weaken their hold and then eventually to 'squeeze' them out.

The latter sort of methods, if really effective, also very gradually 'fade out' the interferences from the astral entities, but without them actually being sent away. I present methods for such clearance in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

"Your tests and trials are almost over"...

In July 2005 at the Findhorn Foundation, I had a 'reading' from Stephen Webb, who, as I've remarked above, was a very strong and supposedly reliable channel for Archangel Michael*. The latter, speaking through him, told me that my "tests and trials are almost over" and that I had already "won the war against the forces of darkness", emphatically repeating the latter twice as I cried a little. He also emphasized that the 'astral beings', despite all the difficult and dark experiences, had served an important healing end for me and so their ultimate function had been positive.

* Later note (April 2008) - As already noted, such higher beings are bogus, and actually nobody really knows what Stephen was channelling (although many mistakenly think they know). The entity's words certainly appeared to be wise and friendly, but it 'confirmed' a variety of bits of channelled misinformation about various supposed past lives of mine, without finding any errors - and indeed congratulated me on the quality of my channelling. In the light of what I understand now, that is clearly indicative of astral ('dark') force influence in whatever Stephen was receiving (and indeed what ANY channel or medium would receive).

My own 'take' on what is happening when Stephen or indeed anyone else is supposedly channelling from a higher and seemingly positive source is as follows. They are actually receiving information and positive intents from their own deepest aspects and not an external source at all (there can be no higher source than one's own deepest aspect, which is fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate'), but there is a catch. Because they can't yet (until they are very advanced in their self realization process) 'hear' the thoughts and communications from their deepest aspects directly, the astral entities, which can 'read' all those deep levels of thought and attempted communication, relay all that information, and even an apparently positive and loving persona, to the person's ordinary mind, making it appear that a 'higher being' is doing the communicating. These relayed communications always contain distortions and usually serious deletions and additions with the aim of misleading.

I do not mean that there are necessarily no higher non-physical beings, but simply that we have no means to know about them, and because of the astral forces seeking to get us hooked on belief in illusory 'higher realities', it's safest to keep clear of the whole matter and not to channel at all, instead cultivating the ability to tap the 'highest' source that there is for answers and healing - one's own deepest nature, which is fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate' itself. I write more about this in Better Without Channelling.

As for my "tests and trials" being almost over, well, actually they continued into early 2007, when in early February I had a climactically severe and spectacular all-night ordeal - though at that stage I was strong enough not to be traumatized or really significantly harmed by it, even though it did lead me transiently into some danger. More about that in My Own Self Realization Path - Updates and My Little Brush With Psychiatry.

Just as that bogus 'Archangel Michael' had intimated, I've come out much stronger from all this, and the whole sequence of dark and troublesome experiences has brought on my self healing process in leaps and bounds. Every apparent adversity has had a strongly positive side*. More about the gains from all those experiences in Appendix 1.

* ...Hmmm... Well, not quite so sure about those lost friends, potential and actual. Maybe something positive somewhere there...?

Although I still have the interfering entities, they have no real power over me now, because I understand fully that they are highly problematical - not any true or worthwhile guidance - and they are brazen liars and impostors with their own power agenda, and not to be interacted with. For the latter purpose this has meant that for some time now I've had to forgo getting information and guidance from higher sources altogether, simply not accepting any communication from non-physical sources. Even so, the dark entities intrude visual 'no' flashes to various of my thoughts, and, once in a while, seek to try to bring on another crisis by causing over-strong surfacings of fear-based trauma emotions. At least I think the alleged disconnection trauma is now largely healed, so that I haven't felt its ghastly feelings at all strongly since late in 2004 or indeed at all yet in 2006 - but I still periodically get anxiety, apprehension, fear and panic feelings come up, sometimes too with depression and self doubt.

I used to find that typically the intrusions from the entities became more marked, aggressive and threatening in the day or so before a new major surfacing of the fear-related trauma feelings - a crude sort of early warning system. However, since my adoption of an active disempowerment policy for the astral entities (see below) that became less often the case, except for the lead-up to real crisis events.

Being pragmatic about medication

Rather than just be at the mercy of attacks when they come, in 2005 I set up a small stock of medication which I could use to get me through a severe peak of nasties and minimize the disruption to my life. This was primarily for enabling me to get some sleep when things were really rough, for even then during the daytime I preferred to remain unmedicated and to allow the nasty experiences to be what I understood to be just part of my healing process. The medication which I settled on was Haloperidol* in 1.5 mg and 5 mg tablets (the latter only for really strong peaks), and Zopiclone and Nitrazepam sleeping tablets - keeping both so that they are alternated to minimize any possible addiction or tolerance problems. I found that a nocturnal dose of Haloperidol greater than 1.5 mg caused me a really bothersome drowsiness for much of the next day, so I've learnt to limit Haloperidol to the latter modest dosage.

* Following from recommendation during my third hospitalization, in September 2006, I have discarded all the Haloperidol and have 0.5 mg Risperidone tablets available instead.

Also, it has been general policy of mine never to take a sleeping tablet on two successive nights, even if it means sometimes risking some sleepless nights (ameliorated, though, with Haloperidol* if a particular night looks like being problematical). In fact I've had to recourse to such medication only occasionally, but it is a great reassurance to have means to control severe peaks and avoid the successions of rough, sleepless nights which I'd had at times in 2004.

* From September 2006, Risperidone instead.

For a while I tried the herbal preparation called Kalms (containing valerian, hops and gentian extracts), but as far as I could tell it was more or less ineffective for what I was going through. One contra-indication I noted was that allegedly this herbal medication was reckoned not to have its alleged beneficial effect on sleep unless taken regularly (three times per day). That goes against the wisest policy - of keeping right off medication except for the occasional emergency situations. Many people have the mistaken notion that medication is fine as long is it is with natural products. The real point is that ongoing medication, whether natural or synthetic, is being used to try and reduce or eliminate symptoms and so to take attention away from the problem that is causing the symptoms. It therefore points us away from true healing, which would resolve the underlying issue(s).

Later note (January 2008) - By use of energy testing I've been able to establish that Haloperidol and Risperidone are much more harmful than is generally recognised. This is because a lot of their harmful effects aren't immediately apparent and may take months or years to show up, and then it would be very difficult for any medic to make a connection between the much earlier use of the drug and the developing problems in the person's physical and mental functioning. In my case the Risperidone was actually less harmful than the Haloperidol - but only because I was taking such a small dose of Risperidone that it wasn't having really noticeable effect on me at all (it was more of a sop to the doctors and psychiatric healthcare services in order to avoid being forced to take anything stronger and more harmful still). In any case I did NOT take either drug in an ongoing manner as the latter people were all wanting me to - and now I'm particularly thankful that I didn't.

Concerning sleeping tablets, although no sleeping tablets are benign, Zopiclone is considerably less harmful long-term than the benzodiazepine family of drugs, including Nitrazepam, Temazepam and Diazepam, which latter three are very harmful indeed long-term (even when their use has been discontinued), and would be better wiped off the face of the Earth.

I understand that Kalms are also much more harmful long-term than people generally recognise. It's a popular fallacy that any 'natural' product is 'safe' and 'healthy' for us to ingest. Is Hemlock poison better for us if it's 'natural' or synthetic (with the magic label 'pharmaceutical')? Surely they'd both be equally toxic! Best by far to keep right out of the medication mindset, regardless of whether pharmaceutical or 'natural', and instead actually address and resolve the underlying cause of each problem.

I have initiated a thorough clearance from my system of the accumulated harmful effects of these (and other) drugs and toxic substances by focused use of the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, and, more recently, the much superior Clarity-Sphere, about which you can read more in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way, Some Potent Self Realization / Healing Practices and The Clarity-Sphere - The Ultimate Healing Tool.

The only medication which I am keeping now is Zopiclone; the rest have been discarded - no doubt a potential source of dismay for the doctors who'd been dealing with me, in their great non-wisdom!

Having a safety net

The entities had been able to give me a particularly rough time because they were exploiting my solitary lifestyle and deep-seated pattern of isolation and loneliness, which readily weakened the grounding of my awareness and thus made me vulnerable to both deceptions and attacks from the interfering entities. It was quite dramatic how attacks fell away when I was hospitalized - not because of hospital medication but because I was away from the solitude of my flat and was then having ongoing contact with people who were at least to some extent supportive (I'm thinking here primarily of the lovely nurses rather than the doctors, who, in my first two hospitalizations, were so useless), and so I was becoming more grounded and getting a more 'outward' balance of my attention and getting more feeling of connectedness. Another situation which I found to be attack-free was when I was staying at the Findhorn Foundation* - one week in June and two weeks in July 2005.

* This does not constitute any sort of recommendation, because, despite the multitude of tremendously good intentions in that community, everyone there (probably without exception) was being seriously deceived and misled by the astral forces in all their diverse 'spiritual' paths and outlooks. Nothing there was pointing people to true self realization clear of astral influences. So, although at the time my visit there seemed like some sort of step forward, in reality it was nothing more than a holiday, with some very nice people, which was educational for me in giving me more insights into the pervasiveness of the workings and deceptions of the astral ('dark') forces.

It's hardly a coincidence that it was Gordon Hughes who had originally put me onto the idea of going to Findhorn. Indeed, he'd actually suggested that I go there to live, more or less permanently - presumably in some vague hope of his that in such an environment I'd be helped out of my 'dark force' interferences.

However, hospital appeared not to be really what was required to deal with the crises, but simply somewhere to sleep out for a few nights with a friend or other supportive people around. I had no suitable friend to stay with, but when I had a crisis at the end of April 2005 I found that by contacting the psychiatric hospital's Crisis Resolution Team (CRT) I could be put out into respite care instead of having to go into hospital yet again, and indeed that was the option I took. That time I was away for just three nights, with no silly doctors, no drugs, and complete freedom to go out on unaccompanied walks. The CRT are wonderful people who recognise that many such crises are non-medical issues and so wherever possible they seek non-medical or at least non-hospital means of handling the crises that they are asked to help with.

It is nowadays an ongoing reassurance to me that, still in absence of any suitable friend to turn to for support, I have the safety net of the CRT and the option of respite care again*, should I have any further big peak of trauma emotion feelings that rose to crisis level. Having that reassurance actually makes me feel more secure and thus less threatened when a peak of nasties does arise, consequently rendering such peaks less likely to reach crisis level in the first place.

* Later note (January 2008) - I eventually came to the conclusion that for me very brief hospitalizations were likely to be more effective than non-hospital respite care as I'd experienced it, because when I had the latter actually I was left on my own a lot, and although it was nice being free to go out on country walks in the vicinity, actually my real need for getting fully grounded and balanced was supportive people pretty closely around me all the time. I say this in the context that I'd developed a very positive and constructive relationship with the particular hospital nursing staff and doctors.

The downside about the hospital 'route', though, was the potential for being forced to take a stronger medication rather than just a lip-service to keep the doctors quiet. Fortunately in my case I had already convinced the psychiatric doctors in 2004 that I really could 'recover' dramatically from a crisis with absolute minimum of medication (they couldn't get their heads around the notion that I'd do even better with no medication at all!).

Enter Laughter, a trump card up my sleeve

As part of my recently gaining more of the upper hand with the astral entities, increasingly I've been mocking the latter in my thoughts, and I find that they hate being sent blessings - especially blessings to all of them, from all the Archangels*. They also make a big and angry fuss when I think of or describe them as astral hippopotamuses. Just why they object so much to being called hippopotamuses (e.g. rather than monkeys, which they're also not very keen on being called) I'm not altogether sure, but I think it's most likely because hippopotamuses are to me a particular object of humour, and these dark entities cannot abide humour and joyfulness - and their being made objects of humour doesn't go down very well with them. Another thing they make an angry fuss about is being called sweet and cuddly, and also 'my little teddy-bears'. 'Cute' also turns out to be a good word to use for them, as does 'comedian' - especially astral comedian. Another pretty good one is to tell the entities to "run along now to Mummy and do your wee-wee [or, to have your nappies changed]". The biggest rage acts that I've so far elicited from them have been when I referred to or thought of Satan as being an astral comedian, or, even more, the astral Court Jester. Well, as the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...  Anyone in my aura listening to that last?

* Later note (June 2008) - This was written well before I'd come to realize that the archangels were bogus. Also, one thing I didn't understand then and have really recognised only this year, is that astral entities are almost certainly not conscious beings and indeed probably not discrete, clearly defined entities at all, but more like a mass of rogue programming in thought energies, as I explain in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side', so there's really no more reason to interact with them than one would with a computer virus which flashes up messages to try to get you to interact with it (and no doubt give it your bank account and credit card details...)

By interacting with them in the way I got doing in late 2005 and through much of 2006 I had actually been strengthening them by reinforcing their illusory identity as true conscious beings - just what they were trying to get me to do. So, what I had written in this section (i.e. outside this annotation) was very confused, even though, yes, laughter itself was great. If I'd been laughing at just that rogue programming trying something stupid on me again, that would have helped me so much more than seeking to make fun of illusory beings which I was unwittingly reinforcing by doing that.

And so I finish here with a little poem that I wrote in 1973 - and I now sign off by writing, to angry NOs and a big act of rage from the astral teddy-bears around me, that the following could be subtitled Ode to Satan the Astral Comedian...

Why did all this happen to ME?

Neither I nor anyone can know absolutely why all that was happening to me, nor indeed the 100% definite reason for anything. Nonetheless, writing this note later (in November 2007, while I'm apparently in the final stages of clearing out the entity interference), I've come to have a particular understanding of what is most likely to be the case, and it will undoubtedly be disturbing reading for many people, for what was happening was very sinister indeed, and more so than just a bit of mayhem and disruption in my life.

My current (November 2007) 'reading' of the situation (with subsequent amendments as I've gained further clarity) - not channelled but, as far as I can tell, coming to me from deep levels of my own consciousness, is as follows. There were two related agendas for me coming from the astral forces. These were:

• To stop me from becoming a significant disseminator of insights and means to enable people to clear themselves of astral influence and get out of religion and so-called spiritual paths and into true and comprehensive self realization (which would make people totally free from and invulnerable to such interference).

  Not being limited by our space and time, they could see before I was born that if I was not stopped I was very likely indeed to function as a prominent promoter and facilitator of true self realization and to be a threat to the working of their intrinsic programming to keep interfering with all people in ways which would maintain the very existence of the astral forces*. How much of a threat for them I am or might have been, I really have no idea - but any person who puts up a full-frontal challenge to their agenda is in their control-crazed view somebody who must be stopped at all costs.

  * I explain about this in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. I had originally written here of the astral forces having plans to take control of the whole human race, but, while the situation can indeed be 'read' like that, one is then left with an unanswered question as to why they are so unremittingly fixated on gaining such control
  

  Once you regard the astral forces as being just thought-form 'programming' which is, just as a result of a natural selection process, programmed to do whatever will maintain its existence, rather than there being actual aware beings having an actual desire to control, you have a much more helpful angle on the whole situation, which leaves no major questions unresolved and also points to the most effective remedial measures for us to take.

• To get my awareness so poorly grounded (by means of all the ordeals, attacks and supposedly disorientating tricks and deceptions) that they could get a particular pre-programmed and very powerful 'lost' human soul attached to me as a sort of 'semi-walk-in', so that the astral forces could then control me through that attached 'lost' soul. Presumably their aim was to then get me functioning as a prominent and charismatic 'spiritual' teacher like Sai Baba, a prominent and quite widely revered 'spiritual' teacher in India who is also quite widely known to be working hand-in-hand with 'the dark side' (performing 'miracles' is an immediate sign of this, though there are many other matters such as his putting psychic attacks on people who he's aware can 'see through' his act).

  Although I don't know this for sure, I strongly suspect that this has actually happened to a fair number of prominent spiritual teachers, and this would neatly explain why they are so unquestioningly following astral-sourced agendas and leading very many people seriously astray (from true self realization and into astral 'captivity') despite their appearing to be very 'spiritually advanced'. This has apparently not happened to me because part of my awareness remained resolutely too grounded and I retained too much clarity, no matter what they tried upon me.

  Actually, I'm pretty sure that if the entities had managed to get that particular 'lost' soul installed in my system (as a partial walk-in), which I understand would have been more difficult to remove than the standard parasitic 'lost' souls which I did have, it wouldn't have worked as the astral forces had been striving for, because I'd have had the clarity to realize that something was very wrong, and I'd have thus had a rough time of it through the inner conflicts and would have been actively seeking assistance and also redoubling my efforts to find the most effective self healing and entity clearance methods. So, it's extremely unlikely that I'd have actually become any sort of puppet for 'the dark side' even then. Perhaps, then, the real purpose of a partial walk-in for me would have been simply to render me 'broken' (an intractable 'psychiatric case') and thus harmless to the astral agenda.

  Please also see Partial Walk-ins - How the astral forces nearly nobbled me.

The maker of the sacred geometry wands - a special case

I have already referred to Gordon Hughes, who made the sacred geometry wands. He has figured quite a bit in my story, and is a very instructive example of how people who believe they are healers and lightworkers, and who work with supposed higher beings and 'higher' energies are actually ALL working with the astral ('dark') forces and are NOT the sort of people to go to at all for genuine and safe healing, free from the risk of picking up 'astral nasties'.

Let's bring together here a summary of the various problems Gordon brought me - and the increasingly strange ways he was behaving towards me, which show that he had some very serious problem of his own relating to me, and this was not just a matter of some petty personality clash between the two of us. Naturally I want to emphasize that I have no reason to doubt that Gordon himself had anything other than the best intentions for me. The problem was the astral-sourced agenda which he was (and presumably still is) caught up in. His own 'menagerie' of interfering and controlling entities would not have shared his good intentions and would have been responsible for the untoward events which Gordon was made to unwittingly precipitate.

• The sacred geometry wands which Gordon made for me were all disruptive to my energy system in specific ways which were progressively increasing my vulnerability to astral entities, in addition to their having a general ungrounding effect - though I didn't know that this was the case till I took up energy testing in May 2007. I started using my first of those wands in August 2003, and had more of them over the following few months. As already noted, it was in October 2003 that I started channelling and my big troubles with the astral entities started.

• When Gordon visited me in December 2003 to deliver a couple of wands, I told him about the plan from my 'guidance' that I was meant to change my name to Melchior Elias as part of my supposed transition into being effectively a 'spiritual' world leader of sorts, and asked him if he was able to get any information about the significance of that name. He paused for a little, then a very deep laugh started coming out from him, with what could have been taken for a look and sound of surprise if not astonishment. Through that sort-of 'astonished' laughter he said something like "Well, Philip! You've got a mighty big surprise coming to you!", then repeating that but not elaborating. He had nothing to say about the name apart from its being "from some very ancient source".

  For some reason (presumably my entity interference) I felt it wasn't appropriate for me to ask Gordon to elaborate on that 'big surprise', which was left in the air to imply either that the alleged world leadership scenario (or something a bit like it) was real and relatively imminent, or, maybe, simply I was going to find that all this big plan for me was going to be shown to be more deception (and of course in the event it was, but that was no surprise at all for me!).

  What that episode shows me clearly is that, however unwittingly, Gordon was very much involved with the very same sources which were playing such big tricks on me then and were about to unleash upon me all the hellish attacks which started just a few weeks later. If he knew that I was being misled by the astral forces, then why didn't he tell me, and indeed give some practical guidance for clearing myself of the problem? It was as though he actually believed some sort of big 'world-shaking' story about some supposed destiny for me. Significantly, another local healer who was very 'psychic' had given me a reading some two months earlier and had channelled a categorical prediction that by Christmas I'd be clear of all my emotional issues and would then be fully clairvoyant, clairaudient and clairsentient, and would have all sorts of special powers, and thereafter would be known throughout the world and would be travelling and lecturing all over the world... Wow! So, clearly the astral agenda for me was coming through other people and was not just a story that was coming into my own mind because of something that was 'wrong' about me.*

  * Note that well, the people who claim that the entities or astral forces are just manifestations of my own mind!

  Of course it could be that Gordon had actually picked up that I was going to get all those attacks which were to start happening just a few weeks later, and those were the 'big surprise' he was referring to - but that doesn't square with the laughing way he was contemplating whatever that 'big surprise' was meant to be, and also the fact that he gave me neither warning nor practical advice about how I might clear myself of the problem. Neither does it square with his happily allowing me on that occasion to give him some hands on healing for a recent injury of his and also to give him an attunement to the symbol which I'd then recently channelled and which had at that time been called 'the new OM'. Now, if Gordon had had any concerns then that what was happening for me was coming at all from 'the dark side', is it likely that he would have allowed me to do any energy work on him at all, let alone give him an attunement to a symbol I'd channelled?

  Another significant detail during that December 2003 visitation from Gordon was that he told me in response to a question of mine that he was a member of the Galactic Brotherhood of Light. I now understand that the latter is one of the extremely serious and harmful deceptions of the astral ('dark') forces to lure people into linking together both with other people and with the astral forces posing as various higher beings to further the astral agenda of getting people massively ungrounding themselves and ensnaring themselves in astral realms (illusory realities) concerning the purported Network of Light around the planet and the myth of human 'ascension'. Any such preoccupation identifies a person as being extremely harmful or dangerous for people in general.

• During 2004, on the odd occasion when I mentioned the attacks to Gordon, he seemed strangely distant from the notion that they were attacks at all, simply claiming that it was all just part of my "accelerated healing process". On an occasion in April of that year, as already noted, after I'd learnt from another healer that the trouble I was getting (claimed to be tests upon me by ascended masters) was actually attacks from astral entities, and then had a 'healing' from her supposedly to clear the entities but which simply ungrounded me further, I asked Gordon for assistance, and he gave basically two sessions as follows.

  The first session was done remotely, and for that he directed me to gather up every single crystal in my flat and have them evenly arranged immediately around the space where I would be lying on the floor - all of them pointing inwards, at me. That was a lot of crystals, including a fair number of Lemurian seed crystals. He then switched on a particular electronic device of his which, he said, by means of his intent he was focusing on me, so that its entity-removal energies would come to me through all those crystals, and this would seal all the entities out of my system.

  Following that I still had the entities, and he said he'd keep another electronic device tuned to me and left running for some longish spells, and it would work on me in my everyday life without my having to lie down or have crystals pointing at me.
  

  As I still had the entities, I next went to visit him for a guided 'do it yourself' session with his modified Zapper, which he said absolutely no entities could resist. I had no signs of the entities going, and indeed by that time the sustained attack (with nightmarish feelings at the solar plexus) was increasing more markedly as I felt abandoned to some unthinkable fate with these entities which nobody seemed able to clear or even properly recognise. Gordon did, however, very kindly lend me his modified Zapper, which I used daily over the next few weeks - actually considerably harming my energy system each time and making myself still more vulnerable to the astral entities.

  There was one extraordinary thing Gordon said during that visit, which suggested something major and relevant which he was not willing to tell me about. In response to my expressing concern about my entity situation, which then was feeling to be very menacing, he retorted something like "Never mind that! That's nothing to the problem which I'm having to face at the moment!". Well,